I'm a big fan of being spent at the end of the day. The feeling tells me that I have been maximally productive, that I've used all my potential and held nothing back. However, feeling drained at noon, as I did today after our Respiratory exam? Not good at all. After the exam, I was a shell of my normal self and the difference was noticeable to others.
Unexpectedly, a solution comes from our studies of the respiratory system. Every one of us has numerous redundancies and safeguards in place to ensure that we do not run out of oxygen. Through one circuit of the body, your blood only unloads ~25% of its oxygen. At rest, you only take in ~8% of the total lung capacity. Due to a fine balance of passive forces, each breath requires merely 1 mmHg of pressure.
All of this insurance is setup and maintained constantly. Your body is preparing you for an emergency you hope never happens. I'm learning that I need to hold back my daily efforts in preparation for days like this. I pride myself on analyzing the details of the present moment. I should shift my focus and energy to the future.
To function at 100% capacity, all the time, suggests an insecurity of one's abilities that needs to be suppressed by self-reassurance.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Third time's the charm
Confidence, if unchecked, can turn into superiority.
Modesty, if uncontrolled, can progress to inferiority.
Superiority vs inferiority.
Confidence vs modesty.
As if it wasn't difficult enough to form a healthy esteem....now we have make sure we're playing by the right set of rules.
I feel I'm balanced between these two dichotomies and often have to check myself from tipping either of two ways. The obvious problem is overconfidence. Arrogance is never appropriate, under any condition. You only have to read some of my earlier posts to see that the emotions I feel can border dangerously close at times.
But another problem is looking at the world with a linear perspective. I sometimes feel as if everybody is on a number line and they merely shift positive or negative positions with each encounter. Chalk this up to playing too many games that contain a +4 modifier.
It took a concerned classmate, an untrained professional, and a rerun of a speech I've heard twice before to make me aware of this issue.
Superiority is fleeting and relative. It is a derived quality, one that comes from the people who surround you. It can be pursued and achieved after years of work, only to be lost the instant the environment changes.
Confidence, on the other hand, needs no other person to establish. Your life is your own. Your strength is yours. It cannot be given. It does not come easily. But you take it with you wherever you go.
I've noticed that confident people are often raised to superior positions. Our society is not clever yet enough to distinguish between the two traits. But they certainly are quick to cut down those they view as undeserving. Our leaders would do well to remember why they are there and how they got there.
Modesty, if uncontrolled, can progress to inferiority.
Superiority vs inferiority.
Confidence vs modesty.
As if it wasn't difficult enough to form a healthy esteem....now we have make sure we're playing by the right set of rules.
I feel I'm balanced between these two dichotomies and often have to check myself from tipping either of two ways. The obvious problem is overconfidence. Arrogance is never appropriate, under any condition. You only have to read some of my earlier posts to see that the emotions I feel can border dangerously close at times.
But another problem is looking at the world with a linear perspective. I sometimes feel as if everybody is on a number line and they merely shift positive or negative positions with each encounter. Chalk this up to playing too many games that contain a +4 modifier.
It took a concerned classmate, an untrained professional, and a rerun of a speech I've heard twice before to make me aware of this issue.
Superiority is fleeting and relative. It is a derived quality, one that comes from the people who surround you. It can be pursued and achieved after years of work, only to be lost the instant the environment changes.
Confidence, on the other hand, needs no other person to establish. Your life is your own. Your strength is yours. It cannot be given. It does not come easily. But you take it with you wherever you go.
I've noticed that confident people are often raised to superior positions. Our society is not clever yet enough to distinguish between the two traits. But they certainly are quick to cut down those they view as undeserving. Our leaders would do well to remember why they are there and how they got there.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
COM14: Invincible
There is so much pride in our class. Momentum is rising as things keep going our way. Here is a list of things our class has accomplished in one semester:
1) Male beauty pageant
2) Basketball against 2nd years
3) Basketball against College of Pharmacy
4) Dance team against College of Pharmacy (pending, expected)
5) All around grades and entry stats.
6) Thanksgiving Football game against 2nd years
I wonder if the school grooms every class to feel the way we do. Professors continually tell us how we are the best class they have had in the history of the school, in talent and drive. As I learned in my sociology class, people rise and fall to the level that is expected of them.
We are still rising. With each exam, our average has increased, with an unprecedented mean of 87 on the most recent fundamentals test. I can't wait to see how we did on this morning's Cardiovascular test.
Some say to be wary of hubris; many great people have been undermined by arrogance. But in this case of medical school, I think we should ride out this wave as long as we can. Let the confidence fuel us and drive us to tackle every problem, uncover every detail, pursue every point. Because we know we can, and will, win.
It's a positive feedback loop!
1) Male beauty pageant
2) Basketball against 2nd years
3) Basketball against College of Pharmacy
4) Dance team against College of Pharmacy (pending, expected)
5) All around grades and entry stats.
6) Thanksgiving Football game against 2nd years
I wonder if the school grooms every class to feel the way we do. Professors continually tell us how we are the best class they have had in the history of the school, in talent and drive. As I learned in my sociology class, people rise and fall to the level that is expected of them.
We are still rising. With each exam, our average has increased, with an unprecedented mean of 87 on the most recent fundamentals test. I can't wait to see how we did on this morning's Cardiovascular test.
Some say to be wary of hubris; many great people have been undermined by arrogance. But in this case of medical school, I think we should ride out this wave as long as we can. Let the confidence fuel us and drive us to tackle every problem, uncover every detail, pursue every point. Because we know we can, and will, win.
It's a positive feedback loop!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Timeshift
Schedule more. Plan less. This seems to be the mantra of the new year.
I am slightly alarmed by the sheer amount of meetings/events/tasks that I'm layering on my calendar. Every day at lunch, I'm dealing with different departments, people, subjects. It will be ok. I think I've had enough experience with these interactions that I can improvise as needed, no matter the situation. This may actually require less work than before, as I usually fret all day over the many possible outcomes.
It's time to relax, sit back, and enjoy the ride.
I am slightly alarmed by the sheer amount of meetings/events/tasks that I'm layering on my calendar. Every day at lunch, I'm dealing with different departments, people, subjects. It will be ok. I think I've had enough experience with these interactions that I can improvise as needed, no matter the situation. This may actually require less work than before, as I usually fret all day over the many possible outcomes.
It's time to relax, sit back, and enjoy the ride.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Season 2: week 1 recap
What is going on? We came back to school expecting a whirlwind of work (and the first hour advertised as such), but it's been a week and we feel like we haven't done anything. We are halfway to an exam! It's very unsettling because I can't imagine this is so simple, thus it only makes sense that we've let something slip by that we're supposed to be studying. Oh dear. At least I've been staying busy.
A day of unexpected awesome. I walk into a club meeting 30 minutes late; I leave as the newly elected president. I knock on a professor's door hoping to schedule an appointment 2 months later; I am treated on the spot for an hour.
I ask a girl to Winter Gala. She said yes.
I move every light in my room hover over my desk. I'm sacrificing attractiveness for functionality.
New Year's Resolutions:
1) Shave every day
2) Stop complaining
3) Don't say NO.*
*I'm not going to be a pushover. I'm going to practice declining things without using negative words. I'm not being fake either. As I'm learning in medicine, there are very few times when a rule can't be broken. Given the right circumstances, almost anything is possible. Thus, no is rarely, if ever, truly no.
A day of unexpected awesome. I walk into a club meeting 30 minutes late; I leave as the newly elected president. I knock on a professor's door hoping to schedule an appointment 2 months later; I am treated on the spot for an hour.
I ask a girl to Winter Gala. She said yes.
I move every light in my room hover over my desk. I'm sacrificing attractiveness for functionality.
New Year's Resolutions:
1) Shave every day
2) Stop complaining
3) Don't say NO.*
*I'm not going to be a pushover. I'm going to practice declining things without using negative words. I'm not being fake either. As I'm learning in medicine, there are very few times when a rule can't be broken. Given the right circumstances, almost anything is possible. Thus, no is rarely, if ever, truly no.
Preparing instinct
Directly from my landlord:
"While stopped at a light, with my family in the car, I looked behind me and saw the car approaching at 40mph. I realized it wasn't going to stop in time. I turned forward and shook myself loose, relaxing my body in anticipation of the crash."
Is this not the most BAMF action to do in a crisis like this? Obviously, I recognize that what he did was the right choice (preventing the passengers from being struck at a moment of rotation/minimizing his own risk of injury). But who would have the presence of mind to do such a thing? I can't even avoid recoiling from a stray flick of cadaver in the anatomy lab, in a room full of scalpels and hemostats. I would love to believe that I could make that split second decision. Unfortunately, I think I will scream out a warning and try to evacuate the car.
Anybody want to rehearse with me?
"While stopped at a light, with my family in the car, I looked behind me and saw the car approaching at 40mph. I realized it wasn't going to stop in time. I turned forward and shook myself loose, relaxing my body in anticipation of the crash."
Is this not the most BAMF action to do in a crisis like this? Obviously, I recognize that what he did was the right choice (preventing the passengers from being struck at a moment of rotation/minimizing his own risk of injury). But who would have the presence of mind to do such a thing? I can't even avoid recoiling from a stray flick of cadaver in the anatomy lab, in a room full of scalpels and hemostats. I would love to believe that I could make that split second decision. Unfortunately, I think I will scream out a warning and try to evacuate the car.
Anybody want to rehearse with me?
Asian Parenting = my upbringing
A slightly disturbing, yet essentially true, article. I agree with the concepts, if not the methods.
Source of Frustration: people who repeatedly degrade themselves vocally. I either consider them to be trapped in a self fulfilling prophecy or I suspect that they are fishing for compliments. Both breed negativity.
But maybe it isn't their fault. My personal confidence was built on the little victories of childhood. I engaged in countless inconsequential triumphs at a young age. What I now recognize as silly, arbitrary tests meant the world to me as a kid; a tennis match, the spelling bee, Egyptian war. No matter the test I always wished to win and always tried to win. Because if I wasn't working my hardest, then why was I there? I believe this consistent competition formed the foundation of my approach toward any test I face today.
Here are a couple of phrases (2 exactly) that you should never hear me say (and if you do, something is very, very wrong):
"What's the point of learning this? I'm never going to use it in my career." In learning anything, whether it is the cardiac cycle or the preparation of olives, you train your mental capacity. You carve out paths that lead to long term memory so that future knowledge can follow. You tighten the bolts of comprehension and keep your brain honed and sharp. Here's why: one day, you will make a series of amazing decisions. People will praise you for your instinct and your luck. You will be unaware of how your subconscious saved the day. But it will be an aggregation of all the hard work that you invested in your mind, and only by constant preparation can we prepare for that moment.
"I'm not going to look at the map because I am spatially challenged and cannot understand it." This comment left me so dumbfounded that I can feel my heart rate increase while typing it. This passive defeat, coupled with the frank statement of an unchangeable trait, is incredibly alien to me. There is nothing you and I can't do with enough time and/or effort. Nothing is set in stone. I spend 80% of my time doing activities that I'm terrible at doing. Gradually I improve, through no active effort of my own, as my subconscious weeds out actions that produce unfavorable results. And then, when I'm satisfied with my performance, I move on to my next weakness. Sound familiar? This is the life of a student juggling multiple classes. If you understand what you're studying, you're wasting your time. Move on to the unfamiliar.
Source of Frustration: people who repeatedly degrade themselves vocally. I either consider them to be trapped in a self fulfilling prophecy or I suspect that they are fishing for compliments. Both breed negativity.
But maybe it isn't their fault. My personal confidence was built on the little victories of childhood. I engaged in countless inconsequential triumphs at a young age. What I now recognize as silly, arbitrary tests meant the world to me as a kid; a tennis match, the spelling bee, Egyptian war. No matter the test I always wished to win and always tried to win. Because if I wasn't working my hardest, then why was I there? I believe this consistent competition formed the foundation of my approach toward any test I face today.
Here are a couple of phrases (2 exactly) that you should never hear me say (and if you do, something is very, very wrong):
"What's the point of learning this? I'm never going to use it in my career." In learning anything, whether it is the cardiac cycle or the preparation of olives, you train your mental capacity. You carve out paths that lead to long term memory so that future knowledge can follow. You tighten the bolts of comprehension and keep your brain honed and sharp. Here's why: one day, you will make a series of amazing decisions. People will praise you for your instinct and your luck. You will be unaware of how your subconscious saved the day. But it will be an aggregation of all the hard work that you invested in your mind, and only by constant preparation can we prepare for that moment.
"I'm not going to look at the map because I am spatially challenged and cannot understand it." This comment left me so dumbfounded that I can feel my heart rate increase while typing it. This passive defeat, coupled with the frank statement of an unchangeable trait, is incredibly alien to me. There is nothing you and I can't do with enough time and/or effort. Nothing is set in stone. I spend 80% of my time doing activities that I'm terrible at doing. Gradually I improve, through no active effort of my own, as my subconscious weeds out actions that produce unfavorable results. And then, when I'm satisfied with my performance, I move on to my next weakness. Sound familiar? This is the life of a student juggling multiple classes. If you understand what you're studying, you're wasting your time. Move on to the unfamiliar.
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